Breaking Free from Modern Motherhood Myths: Insights from a Postpartum Therapist in Denver
Hi, I’m Leanne—a mom of two, registered art therapist, and postpartum therapist in Denver, Colorado. I knew motherhood would be a profound transformation, but what I didn’t anticipate were the countless expectations placed on moms, many of which we’re led to believe we should live up to.
In this blog post, I want to shed light on these modern myths of motherhood. As a therapist for moms, I know that awareness is the first step toward change and healing. When we don’t recognize these unrealistic expectations, they can lead to guilt, stress, anxiety, or a deep sense of disconnection from ourselves. My hope is that by naming these myths, you’ll feel empowered to challenge them and embrace a version of motherhood that truly works for you.
The Modern Myths of Motherhood
The “Good Girl” Myth
Take a moment to reflect on your own upbringing. What were you taught about how to “behave” as a child? What messages shaped your understanding of what it meant to be good? Many modern mothers were raised to be “good girls”—polite, agreeable, self-sacrificing, and never angry. These expectations may have followed you into adulthood, influencing how you show up in relationships, work, and now, in motherhood. Even if you’ve done some healing around the “good girl” myth, you might be surprised by how it resurfaces in parenting.
Trying to Be a “Good” Mother
If you were conditioned to believe in the good girl myth, it often transforms into the “good mother” myth once you have children. But what does being a good mother even mean? For many, it’s a shifting, often impossible, combination of expectations:
Nursing your baby for a certain number of months (or feeling guilty if you don’t)
Practicing gentle parenting 100% of the time, never losing your patience
Preparing organic, home-cooked meals while also balancing work, relationships, and self-care
Showing up for every soccer game, school event, and milestone, no matter how exhausted you feel
Keeping a tidy home while ensuring your kids have enriching, screen-free play
Never needing a break—always being present, available, and emotionally attuned
These expectations—shaped by family messages, social norms, and the highlight reels of social media—can make it incredibly difficult for moms to set boundaries, express anger, or ask for help. When we fall short of these ideals (because we’re human), we may feel guilt, shame, or even a sense of failure.
The good news? Unlearning this myth isn’t just possible—it’s freeing. When you release the pressure and expectations, you make space for greater self-trust, emotional wellbeing, and the kind of parenting that actually feels good for you and your child.
The “Doing-It-All” Myth
Sound familiar, Mama? While feminism has empowered women to step into their own power—proving that they can do anything, from nurturing children to running businesses and managing households—it doesn’t mean they should do everything alone. Yet, many mothers today find themselves stretched thin, trying to meet impossible expectations without the institutional and social support they deserve.
The result? A generation of moms experiencing burnout, exhaustion, and a deep sense of inadequacy. And on top of it all, U.S. culture glorifies busyness and independence, despite the fact that motherhood was never meant to be done in isolation.
Motherhood Was Never Meant to Be a Solo Act
Instead of preparing mothers for the very real need to slow down and receive support in the postpartum period and early parenting, our culture pushes the myth that moms should happily “do it all”—parenting, work, relationships, self-care, managing the mental load, and more. This relentless cycle sets moms up to feel like they’re failing when, in reality, no one should be doing it all. Humans are relational beings, meant to raise children within a supportive community, not in isolation.
The transformation into motherhood is all-encompassing. So much changes—your body, your identity, your relationships, your time—and navigating it alone can feel overwhelming. That’s why it’s essential to have open conversations with your partner or support network about how things must shift and adapt after becoming a parent.
Maybe that looks like:
The non-dominant caregiver taking on more physical household tasks, ensuring that mom gets time to rest and recover.
Accepting help from family or friends with meal prep, errands, or childcare.
Letting go of unrealistic expectations (like having a perfectly clean home or keeping up with pre-baby routines).
Prioritizing mental health by seeking therapy, joining a postpartum support group, or simply making space for rest without guilt.
This next line might make you cringe, but hear me out: Motherhood isn’t about doing more; it’s about being supported more. If you’ve spent your life immersed in productivity culture, the idea of slowing down and receiving help might feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable. But redefining success, accepting support, and giving yourself permission to rest aren’t signs of failure—they’re radical acts of self-preservation and sustainability. If you’re unsure where to start, consider reaching out to a postpartum therapist in Denver for guidance and support.
The “Expert Mom” Myth
Motherhood already comes with enough pressure, but layered on top of that is the myth of the “expert mom”—the unrealistic expectation that you should instinctively just know how to parent:
You should just know how to nurse or feed your baby.
You should just know how to soothe your baby and exactly what they need.
You should just know how to handle a toddler meltdown—with patience and wisdom, while keeping your own emotions in check.
You should just know how to balance motherhood, work, and relationships seamlessly.
This myth suggests that maternal instincts should override the need for learning, support, or trial and error. And when moms don’t have all the answers (which, let’s be honest, no one does), it can bring up feelings of guilt, shame, or even the fear that they’re failing their child.
Mothering Isn’t Always Instinctual
The myth of the “expert mom” not only puts impossible pressure on mothers—it also lets others, especially partners, off the hook. If we assume moms always know best, then the mental, emotional, and physical labor of parenting naturally falls on them. Partners may hesitate to step in or take initiative, either because they believe moms will do it better or because moms have been placed in the role of the default decision-maker. This dynamic leaves moms with even less support and reinforces the harmful idea that they must carry it all.
But here’s the truth: parenting is not instinctual for everyone, and it’s okay to not know. Just like any major life transition, motherhood is a process of learning, unlearning, and growing. Think about starting a new job—no one expects you to be an expert on day one. You get training, ask questions, make mistakes, and adjust. Yet in motherhood, the learning curve is often dismissed, and support is rarely offered without moms first proving they need it. Unlearning this myth allows room for shared responsibility and collaboration in parenting. It encourages open conversations, greater connection with your partner, and a more sustainable family dynamic.
The “Perfectionism” Myth
Each generation of mothers has its own version of what it means to be a “good mom,” often shaped by cultural expectations, family beliefs, and personal experiences. But for moms who identify as perfectionists or high achievers, this can escalate into the perfectionism myth—the belief that there is a “right” way to do motherhood and that falling short means failing.
Unlike the good girl myth, which emphasizes being agreeable and self-sacrificing, the perfectionism myth is rooted in control—the need to get everything just right, to avoid mistakes, and to prove (to yourself and others) that you are doing a “good job” as a mom. This might look like:
Obsessing over developmental milestones, feeling anxious if your child isn’t “on track”
Researching parenting decisions extensively to avoid making the “wrong” choice
Feeling guilt or shame when things don’t go as planned—whether it’s a difficult birth, struggles with feeding, or a bedtime routine that never seems to work
Holding yourself to unrealistic standards while giving others grace
The Comparison Trap
Comparison is something we naturally do as humans, but perfectionism in modern motherhood is amplified by social media’s highlight reel. It’s easy to compare yourself to moms who seem to have it all figured out—who meal prep organic meals, keep a spotless home, and still find time for self-care. On top of that, parenting experts and influencers flood our feeds with conflicting advice, making it feel like there’s only one “right” way to parent.
But here’s the truth: There is no one perfect way to parent. Every baby is different, every family is different, and every mom has different needs. Trying to meet impossible standards only leads to stress and disconnection—from yourself, your child, and the joy of motherhood.
Unlearning the perfectionism myth doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you are giving yourself permission to be human. It means recognizing that you are already enough, even when things don’t go according to plan. It means choosing flexibility over rigidity, self-compassion over self-criticism, and connection over comparison.
Redefining Motherhood on Your Own Terms
If you’ve found yourself struggling under the weight of these myths, know that you’re not alone. So many moms feel the pressure to do it all, get it right, and instinctively know what to do—only to end up exhausted, overwhelmed, and doubting themselves. But motherhood was never meant to be a constant battle to prove your worth.
How to Unlearn the Myths
Unlearning these myths starts with small, intentional shifts. It might look like setting boundaries around your time and energy, asking for help without guilt, letting go of comparison, or simply allowing yourself to be human—messy, imperfect, and deeply worthy just as you are. Creative expression, like art therapy in Denver, can be a powerful way to process these expectations, reconnect with yourself, and explore a more authentic version of motherhood. Through art, you can tap into your emotions, release self-judgment, and begin to rewrite your story in a way that feels true to you.
If you’re ready to explore what this could look like for you, support is available. Working with a postpartum therapist in Denver can help you untangle these beliefs, build self-trust, and step into motherhood with more confidence and ease. You don’t have to navigate this alone—you deserve the same care and compassion you so freely give to others.
